Dear Ones,

Do not wait. Do it now. Live now. As an older person with a history of procrastination, I can tell you you will regret the chances you missed. I wish I’d had more fun when I was young. I had fun, but I wish I’d played more, danced more, traveled more, eaten more calcium, and written that book. Like all of us, I had to overcome my negative conditioning and let go of many limiting beliefs to be more free, so I can have compassion for the reasons I didn’t. I needed a lot of support to recover from childhood neglect, trauma and learned helplessness.

Do the things that you want to do while you have the interest and energy. Listen to the call of your heart and soul. While there are many dreams I have fulfilled, others are still waiting. Time is fleeting. We go into a trance of forgetfulness and act as if we have forever, as if we will live forever, but we truly never know how long we have. You know this intellectually, but our denial of the reality of sickness, old age and death seeps into the way we live. Our whole culture is in denial. Denial of the vulnerability of our precious bodies and the precious ecosystems of this earth that give us life and sustain us.

I have adventurous friends who have been very active their whole lives, some of them traveling all of the continents and states, exploring and pursuing multiple successful careers, who are now in their sixties, seventies and eighties who find it difficult to do many of the things they once could do with ease. Do it now. Don’t wait. The problem is, you think you have time. Several of my friends died in their 40s. My mother died at 27, my aunt at 52. You never know. Wake up. I am telling myself this as well as you. Don’t delay.

If you want to be creative, be creative. Write that book or throw pots. If you want to travel, travel. If you want to spend more time with family, friends, or nature, do that. Maybe make new friends. If you want to meditate daily and go on retreats, do that. If you want to live within your means and save money, do that. If you want to move, move. If you want to leave your spouse, make a plan and don’t let fear stop you. If you want a new job, look and make a leap. Start your own business. Sell your business. Hike the Camino. Run for office. Work less. Tell those you love that you love them, every time you see them. Let yourself just sit in the sun and feel it on your skin. Just let yourself be and be OK.

Stop believing that you can’t. Stop believing you have to know how it will all turn out. You don’t and you can’t. Take a risk. Live a life. You will survive and perhaps thrive. Stop playing it too safe. Life the life YOU want. Do it now. Please. If you feel too scared to dare, work on that. That is where you start. We are all works in progress. Do the things that make you feel most alive. Live on purpose. I know you can.

With love,

Lisa

P.S. The song I was here is beautiful. I particularly love Willie Spence’s rendition he sang at age 21 on American Idol. He died in a car crash this year at age 23. Give it a listen. It’s inspiring. Willie was here. He dared to sing.


© Lisa Cottrell, 2022

Well Being Psychotherapy
www.wellbeingpsychotherapy.net


I was here - Beyoncé

I want to leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget


I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here


I wanna say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I had something in somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference and this world will see


I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know


I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here


I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because
I was here


I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know


I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here
I did, I've done
I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here
I did, I've done
I was here

​Beloved human,

There are ways to be happier, more at ease. They take practice. Two helpful practices are acceptance and gaining perspective. Life is both wonderful and difficult. Life is full of 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows. Some suffering is inevitable. However, we often make ourselves unhappy by unconsciously demanding that life always be pleasant and that everything should happen the way we prefer. 

My advice is to stop comparing every thing that happens to some imaginary ideal! A specific moment in time, and in that moment, an event that happens, can not be changed by judging, resisting and reacting to it.

We tend to keep judging every moment as “good” or “bad” based on what we want or prefer. We act as though we always know the best outcome. We then have positive or negative reactions based on our self-centered view. We need to remember that we often don’t actually know in the long run whether an event will be for the good or bad, helpful or unhelpful for ourselves or others. It is often both. 

Most of us have an inner two year old that just wants what they want when they want it - and that’s NOW. We often make up elaborate stories about how terrible a situation is or will be.  We suffer over not getting what we want. Of course, we prefer what we prefer, but our wise mind knows we aren’t always going to get it. We can choose to just acknowledge our wants as preferences and not make them conscious or unconscious demands.

When I first started practicing getting perspective on a situation that I was judging, I liked to kindly make a little fun of my entitled part by thinking to myself one of these two reminders: “Somebody around here should be damned and blamed, and it’s not me!” or, “Don’t they know I am Queen and Ruler of the Universe and they should do exactly what I want?” That made me laugh and helped me more gracefully accept disappointment and frustration.  It also helped me have more humility. 

A more helpful approach is to practice acceptance of the moment, say to ourselves “this belongs,” and soften our bodies and minds to it. This doesn’t mean we have to like it. It doesn’t mean we have to be passive or that we can’t try to change a future moment. By not accepting the moment, we are suffering over our suffering. 

I also try to remind myself that everyone is carrying a lot of burdens and not to judge others. Life can be hard. As far as self-criticism, we can ask our self-critic their concerns or fears and see if those concerns are valid, but also remind our critic that criticism is rarely helpful. Self-criticism tends to trigger an inner ashamed part and reinforce distorted beliefs we learned in childhood. It can also trigger inner protectors that may use avoidance, self-medication, or depression to cope instead of healthier coping skills. 

Our wise mind can bring a kind curiosity and respect for any of our self-critic’s concerns while sorting out any distorted thinking and unhelpful attitudes. We can learn to not let either the inner demanding two year old, the self-critic ,or the reactive protectors be in the driver’s seat of our heart-mind. In Internal Family Systems therapy, we learn to let the wise and compassionate Self be the leader of our internal parts. Let me know if you want to learn more. 

Lisa

Many, many Americans are struggling with lots of stress, especially during these difficult times of the global pandemic, political unrest and divisiveness, and economic distress. Life can be difficult even in the best of times. Many of us have even less time for self-care and if we are taking precautions, we have less community caring. Most of us are missing hugs. Some of us are missing jobs. Some of us are grieving the loss of loved ones. Most of us are distressed by the aggressive “us and them” attitudes that are so prevalent. It feels bad to be treated as the enemy by your fellow citizens. All of this can contribute to burnout. I want to address burnout, some ways to prevent it, and what to do to help your body-mind heal from it. These ideas are from the new book, Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagaski. I highly recommend it.

Herbert Freudenberger coined the term burnout in 1975, as defined by three components:

1. emotional exhaustion - the fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long;
2. depersonalization - the depletion of empathy, caring and compassion; and
3. decreased sense of accomplishment - an unconquerable sense of futility: feeling that nothing you do makes any difference.

He was talking about burnout of staff at work, but burnout has more recently been recognized in other areas, including parenting. It is quite prevalent, especially in caregiving professions. 

In Burnout, the Nagaski sisters explain that stressors are things that activate the stress response in your body and stress is the physiological response. We often think that dealing with the stressor is enough, but only dealing with the stressor does not mean we have dealt with the stress response in our body. We are left with an incomplete stress cycle and carry the cumulative unresolved stress around in our bodies. For example, you get in an argument with your partner, which causes stress. Just because you resolved the argument and made up does not mean you have resolved the stress response in your body. Your body needs cues in body language that it is now safe. 

So how does the science recommend we resolve that stress? The most efficient way is to move our body and run, swim, dance, or find other ways to get aerobic and breathing deeply. The Nagaskis recommend 20 to 60 minutes a day of aerobic exercise most days to discharge stress. However, even non-aerobic movement is helpful in preventing burnout. 

There are six other strategies they recommend: 1) Deep, slow breaths with long exhalations as in paced breathing. “A simple, practical exercise is to breathe in to a slow count of five, hold that breath for five, then exhale for a slow count of ten, and pause for another count of five. Do this three times - just one minute and 15 seconds of breathing - and see how you feel.” 2) Positive social interaction 3) Belly laughter 4) Affection from a loving person you trust 5) A big cry and 6) Creative expression. There are other strategies, but they all have in common that you have to DO something to shift the stress. “Completing the cycle is not an intellectual decision, it is a physiological shift.” Find what works, then practice it over and over. You’ll heal and feel better. 

Warmly,
Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC
Helping you heal and be well

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (2019) Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMW, Ballantine Books, NY
​
H. Freudenberger, “Staff burnout’, Journal of Social Issues, Winter, 1974

Coping with the Climate Crisis
by Lisa Cottrell, LPC

Many of us who are waking up to the reality of the climate crisis have a wide range of feelings about this existential threat which can be hard to manage effectively. According to a Washington Post - Kaiser Family Foundation poll, 91% of Americans now believe we are experiencing climate change and 80% of Americans believe the fact that the current levels of climate change are caused by human activity.

We may go into denial and try to repress our knowledge and feelings. However, repressing our feelings tends to make us anxious or can lead us to engage in compulsive behaviors like overeating or drinking too much.

We may feel angry at our political leaders for not taking this threat more seriously, for pretending it’s not reality and taking actions that make the situation much worse like withdrawing from the 2016 Paris Climate Agreement. We may feel disheartened by the greed and ignorance that seems to run the world’s economies. We may feel angry at companies who only care for profit. We can vote at the polls and with our pocketbooks. 

We may feel anxious or scared about the impact global warming will have on our lives. We may already have been impacted emotionally and financially by the increased natural disasters caused by climate change like increased droughts, wildfires, floods, superstorms and hurricanes. We may feel sad that the life we hoped we would have in the coming decades seems unlikely. Former Vice President Al Gore, founder of Climate Reality, says it’s not too late if we act now. 

We may feel confused or uneducated. Here are some of the latest facts: If we continue AT OUR CURRENT RATE OF EMISSIONS, WE ONLY HAVE 8.5 YEARS LEFT before an average 1.5 degree of climate warming worldwide. There is only so much carbon we can emit  before we reach that degree of warming. If that happens, we’ll see many natural systems begin to cross dangerous points of no return, triggering lasting, irreversible changes. We need to emit 50% less carbon dioxide (C02)  and aggressively mitigate the effects of CO2 in the next ten years to have a better chance of preventing the climate catastrophes that will occur with a 1.5 degree change, include drought, more intense hurricanes, storms and flooding, crop failures, famine, farmland turning to desert, water scarcity, increased migration, and a negative impact to our current ecosystems and economies. We have the knowledge and the resources, we need the political and personal will to make the change.

We may feel like we need to DO SOMETHING, but what? Reduce greenhouse gas emissions!

1. Vote out climate deniers and destroyers at every level of government. Vote in those with an aggressive climate mitigation plan. We must reduce greenhouse gas emissions of carbon dioxide and methane ASAP. Register voters.
2. Reduce your use of electricity. Turn your thermostat one or two degrees closer to outside temperature and leave it there. Urge your office to do the same. Get an energy conservation check up. Unplug appliances when not in use, so they don’t use power.
3. Switch to renewable energy like solar and wind. Often you can do this through your utility or a certified renewable energy provider, if you don’t do it individually. 
4. Make sure your air conditioner and refrigerator don’t leak freon, a chlorofluorocarbon.
5. Don’t buy things you don’t need including the latest fast fashion. Every thing you purchase that is new, took energy to create and ship. Most of the world’s energy is created from burning, coal, oil and natural gas. Reduce, reuse, and recycle.
6. Stop eating meat or reduce the amount you eat, especially red meat. Farm expansion is destroying forests. Cows emit methane. Animal agriculture is the number one consumer of fresh water. It takes over 1900 gallons of fresh water to produce a single pound of beef. 
7. Use less gasoline. Drive less. Use mass transit, carpool, bike or walk. Buy electric, hybrid or high fuel efficiency vehicles. Move closer to your work.
8. Fly less. Look into buying carbon offsets when you do. 
9. Save trees and forests, plant trees and give money to protect wild lands.
10. Try to eat local and organic. Avoid processed foods, as processing plants are major polluters and energy consumers. Reduce food waste. 
11. Learn more about the climate crisis. Support pro-environmental laws.
12. Divest retirement investments from oil, gas and coal companies. 
13. Organize so your voice is heard and we can all do our part.

Other ways to help the humans and our environment:

1. When you can, buy organic, non GMO food. Don’t use herbicides or pesticides. Don’t buy plants pre-treated with bee killing pesticides and herbicides like neonicotinoids. If we lose pollinators, we will lose many sources of food.
2. Stop purchasing plastic or reduce your use by buying products in bulk.
3. Conserve your use of water and protect our waterways from contamination. 

You may feel depressed because you doubt one person can make a difference. That is not true. You can impact those around you and beyond. Our anger and our despair can be transformed into action. Look at Martin Luther King, Jr. Look at Young Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg. She was a young girl who learned about climate change in school when she was 8. She said, “I remember thinking it was very strange that we were capable of changing the entire face of the Earth and the precious thin layer of atmosphere that makes it our home.” She wondered why we weren’t hearing about it everywhere. At first, she got very depressed because she could not understand how adults could have let this crisis happen. She was in great pain and stopped eating or speaking. After getting some help from a counselor, she started urging her parents to reduce their carbon footprint and asked them to give up flying.  Her mother was an opera singer who eventually gave up her career when she stopped flying and changed her career to singing in musicals. Her parents’ responsiveness gave her hope.

Last year, when Greta turned 15, she decided that she would try to do something, however small it might be, to address the climate crisis. After the tragic school shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL, Greta heard about some of the students becoming activists and refusing to go to school. This inspired her. So after record heat waves and wildfires last year in Sweden, she started skipping school to stand in front of the Swedish parliament to demand politicians treat climate change for what it is: the biggest issue we have ever faced. She stood alone with a sign saying school strike for the climate. She asked, “why should any young person be made to study for a future when no one is doing enough to save that future? What is the point of learning facts when the most important facts given by the finest scientists are ignored by our politicians?” 

At first, she tried to get others to join her but they weren’t interested. She sat there alone in the cold for three weeks and then every Friday for weeks after that. She began to draw attention on social media and others joined her.  She began to join other climate actions.  She gave a TED talk. This January, she was invited to speak at Davos World Economic Forum about the climate crisis where she said “Our house is on fire.” She has scolded adults, saying, “You say you love your children above all else, and yet you are stealing their future in front of their very eyes.” She was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. She spoke out at the UN recently, urging action. 

Greta inspired other students from around the world to strike. Other young climate activists have been speaking out and are being heard, including Autumn Peltier, Haven Coleman, Lily Gardner, Helena Gaulinga, Mari Copeny, Kehkashan Basu, and Alexandria Villaseñor.  Four million people around the world participated in the latest Strike for the Climate. Activists like Jane Fonda and groups like Extinction Rebellion are making headlines and increasing awareness. Groups like Climate Reality are giving presentations around the world. 

We each need to do what we can and join with others to make a difference. Talk to neighbors and friends. You can change how you live. We can do this if we act now.  Read about the climate crisis. NASA has good information. Join a group like 350.org, Climate Reality, Extinction Rebellion, the Sierra Club, or the Wilderness Society. Remember, when we are motivated and clear about our goals, people and nations have done great things. Learn more and do what you can. Last but not least, enjoy your life and do things that nurture you and your friends. Life is precious. Protect yours.

Sources: 

July 9 - August 5, 2019 Washington Post - Kaiser Family Foundation survey of 2,293 U.S. Adults with an error margin of +/- 3 percentage points. https://www.washingtonpost.com/context/washington-post-kaiser-family-foundation-climate-change-survey-july-9-aug-5-2019/601ed8ff-a7c6-4839-b57e-3f5eaa8ed09f/
​  
The latest Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report on Global Warming of 1.5°C, October, 2018, https://www.ipcc.ch/sr15/ 

Real Science: Climate Science from Climate Scientists, www.realclimate.org 

Why Greta Says We Have 8 years to Stop Catastrophe, Huffington Post, 9/27/2019 https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/greta-thunberg-carbon-dioxide-numbers_ca_5d8e86b6e4b0ac3cdda8cd40 

Opinion: Al Gore: The Climate Crisis is the Battle of Our Time and We Can Win. New York Times, 09/20/2019 https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/20/opinion/al-gore-climate-change.html

Most people struggle with judgments of ourselves and self-criticism. Our inner critic is usually trying to motivate us, help us learn, or change our behavior, but when is it too much and really not helpful?

Self-examination: Ask yourself these questions

1. Why are you angry or upset with yourself?  
2. What is your inner critic afraid will happen if you don’t listen to it?
3. Is the criticism even true or is it an overgeneralization?
4. What do you regret? What do you wish you could have done differently?
5. Are you struggling with accepting that the past is over? What can you learn from your mistakes? How do your regrets and mistakes help you clarify your values?
6. Do you believe the myth that by hating and criticizing yourself that you will improve yourself and your behavior? Has that worked for you so far? Hateful self-criticism makes most people irritable, depressed, ashamed and then feel they want to act out or use substances to numb. 
7. Are you only focusing on your perceived mistakes and not on the things you have done right and are doing well today?
8. Just because the voice is in your head, doesn’t mean it is you.  Who does your inner critic sound like? It may be the voice of people in your life who criticized you or abused you. You may have internalized the messages from your family or society that may or may not be true.
9. What good does your inner critic want for you? Ask it. It may have good intentions, but ineffective or mean techniques for communicating its concerns. The self-critic usually wants to make you socially acceptable, but has a limited and fearful view of life based on your past or on cognitive distortions.

Suggestions for Solutions:

1. Remember, you are a precious, unique gift to the world. You have all of the potential of any human being. You have innate goodness and worth.
2. You are imperfect like everyone else. That is OK. 
3. You cannot afford to drink the poison of self-hatred! It leads to insecurity, anxiety, ill health and depression. 
4. If the voice in your head is mean, tell your self-critic, “That hateful, shaming tone is not helpful.” If the information is needed, it can learn to come back nicely. Ask it if it would like to learn to be a coach and ally, not a bully.
5. If it is a message from someone in your past, you may need to tell it to “Shut up!” and stop listening.  It’s OK to set limits with mean people.
6. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. 
7. Positive reinforcement works better than judgment, anger, and hatred.
8. Grieve the past and your regrets then move into today. Make changes to your life to work toward what is fulfilling to you. Listen to your longings.
9. Feel the feeling and let it pass, but don’t make it worse.
10. See a therapist who can help you deal more effectively with your inner conflicts.

© 2018 Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC

For my friends and clients in recovery to read and remember daily:​

Because I am an alcoholic/addict, and have a chronic, incurable brain disease, I will ALWAYS (at times) think I can have one more drink, one more drunk, one more pill, one more binge WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE, and that is a LIE that will destroy my life, hurt the ones I love, and ultimately KILL ME. 

I will also try to convince myself that I don’t have the disease, and that I can be a “normal social drinker” or casual user. I need to realize that is my addictive thinking and that I need to treat this disease every day, with the help and support of others in recovery, a sponsor, AA/NA or other types of recovery meetings, and my Higher Power. I accept the reality of my disease and that I can NEVER be successful alone.

12 Step recovery works if you work it. Working the steps transforms you. You know how to stay sober and clean for 24 hours. Do that.

Do the next right thing, whether you feel like it or not, and with the help of the program, you will succeed!

NO MATTER WHAT, DON’T PICK UP, DON'T DRINK!

No one else can make you drink or use.

With love,

© 2012 Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC
Decatur, GA
404-931-3066

I have long been influenced by existential philosophy and by Buddhist thought. As a psychotherapist, I try to help people find meaning and happiness. One of the key tools to effectively help people recover from depression and anxiety is to help them understand and take responsibility for their lives. I have recently been re-reading Irvin Yalom’s classic book, Existential Psychotherapy. Irvin Yalom wrote, “Responsibility means authorship. To be aware of responsibility is to be aware of creating one’s own self, destiny, life predicament, feelings, and, if such be the case, one’s own suffering.” We construct our interpretations and experience of life, consciously or unconsciously. How we interpret what happens to us influences how we feel. As the Buddha said, what we think, we become. 

Many of us may feel as if we are helpless victims when we are no longer. We may well have had times we were powerless such as when we were children, especially if we were abused. Though there are many circumstances beyond our control, we still have the freedom to choose our attitude and response. Even in the concentration camps, Victor Frankel observed the ability to choose one’s response to that horrific abuse. Some people chose defiance, some chose kindness toward fellow sufferers, some chose collapse. It’s easy to understand feeling the helplessness of no escape.

Martin Seligman’s research on Learned Helplessness shows how we can become conditioned to believe the efforts that we make will not be effective in relieving our suffering. When animals are shocked and can’t escape, they eventually stop trying. When they are then presented with shocks in conditions where they could escape, they no longer try as they believe it is futile. In fact, their circumstances have changed but they don’t realize it. People with learned helplessness become depressed. People with an excessive sense of over responsibility can also become negative, anxious and depressed, as discussed by Aaron Beck. 

So, we need to realize our power to choose, and that includes our ability to change our mental habits and habits of behavior. It is helpful to realize the truths of reality and human existence, so we can become more effective in our lives. Clients report learning to accept more responsibility for their lives is a valuable outcome of therapy. See the list of existential truths below.

We often have resistance to seeing the truth and accepting it because we don’t want to face our freedom and our responsibility. Yesterday, a friend of mine helped me see the ways in which I was not taking responsibility for the way I was viewing and reacting to a specific situation. It is easy to do. We may want to be dependent. We may fall back into feeling and reacting like we are still being traumatized, when the victimization is in fact over. For trauma survivors, it takes a lot of work to help the body and mind catch up with current reality.  Being mindful of the truth in the moment is like meditation: we forget, but we need to remember and be willing to return to the present and the truth of our current strength.  All we have is this moment and how we respond, how we act, how we create meaning, how we can choose to be good to ourselves in the face of life’s struggles. 

Realizing The Facts of Existence

1. I recognize that life is at times unfair and unjust.
2. I recognize that ultimately there is no escape from some of life’s pain and death. This is common to all of humanity. 
3. I recognize that no matter how close I get to other people or how much support I get, I alone must face my life and choose how to respond. 
4. I realize that no one else can live my life for me. 
5. I realize I must make my own choices and live with the consequences of my decisions.
6. As I face the basic issues of my life and death, I can live my life more honestly and get less caught up in trivialities.
7. I must take ultimate responsibility for the way I live my life no matter how much guidance and support I get from others. 
8. While I can not control everything that happens in my life, my choices create my life. 
9. I can choose my attitude, my responses, and my moment to moment choices. 
10. With awareness and willingness, I can change my habits, one choice, one moment at a time. 

Relax, breathe, look around, see how you think and feel right now. What do these statements bring up in you?  Do you believe them to be true? I’d love to discuss this with you. How can you choose in a way that is in alignment with your highest values, the truth of your freedom and power to choose? How you can choose to move effectively toward the life you want today?

I created this list of existential facts. The list was inspired by Irvin Yalom’s work. It includes my modifications of five existential statements by him and his colleagues. I added five statements of my own in alignment with my experience, mindfulness and existential philosophy.

Be well.

© 2018 Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC

For the Addict/ Alcoholic: (P.S. Alcohol is a drug.)

What you need to know about your Addiction.For the Addict/ Alcoholic: (P.S. Alcohol is a drug.)

1) It is a brain disease that happens to some people because of the way our human brains respond to mood-altering chemicals. 
2) You probably feel shame for some of the things you have done when using or in order to get drugs. It’s not your fault. Yes, you did do drugs, but you did not plan this. No one says "Hey, I'm going to do drugs and alcohol until I become an addict and do things I would never do if I were in my right mind!" You set out to have fun and feel better, or maybe even just OK inside your own skin. Maybe you never learned other coping skills or struggle with depression or anxiety. Now you have those problems and an even bigger problem called Addiction.
3) Yes, we really mean it when we say, this disease is cunning, baffling, powerful, and with time, it will land you in jail or mental institutions, and KILL you! I am sure you already know of people who have died or overdosed, been arrested, etc. This is reality.
4) If you want it, there is help. There is hope. There is a way that millions of people have found happiness and friendship and a way out of suffering. It is called getting clean and sober and practicing a new way of life using the 12 steps of recovery. Detox, treatment and therapy are needed by most people to be successful with fewer or no relapses.
5) Addiction is not a question of a lack of will power. No one can just will themselves to not have a disease, especially one that tries to convince you that you don’t have it!
6) IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO BEAT THIS THING ALONE! You need help. You CAN choose, with help, to do what it takes to stay sober, JUST FOR TODAY, just for this hour, just for this minute.
7) The promises CAN come true. You can have a happy, sober life that is better than average. You have to treat this disease every day and work a program of recovery.

What it takes to beat this disease:

1. Other people. Support. People who know the lies your disease tells you and can call you on them. I know of only a FEW places where that happens routinely. ONE - at 12 step meetings talking with other sober people. TWO - On the phone or in person with someone who has more experience beating this disease than you do, such as a sponsor, a therapist, a treatment team. THREE - sober living halfway houses.
2. Willingness. We all want an easier way where we don’t have to change, and we can still stop suffering. That is not REALITY. You keep doing what you are doing, you keep getting what you got. You are NOT the exception. Deep down, you KNOW you are an addict. Stop trying to prove you are not! You can want to want this. If you want a chance at life, PLEASE stop using again and surrender to the fact that right now, you DON’T know how to do this thing called life. Accept the truth. You need it to live.
3. ACTION. Do the next right thing, whether you feel like it or not! Go to at least a meeting a day for at least 90 days, get a sponsor, call them, tell the truth, be open, work the steps and NO MATTER WHAT do not pick up, use, drink or harm yourself!
4. Compassion. You need to start learning that you are NOT what you have done, or the bad choices you have made. You can be a winner. You deserve to live. You deserve love and happiness. Every day is a new beginning.
5. Look online for local meetings of Narcotics & Alcoholics Anonymous. Go. Listen. Share.

For the Co-Addict or Co-dependent (the person living with the insanity of you in your disease):

1. You need to decide if you are going to love your addict/alcoholic or their disease. Enabling them to keep doing what they are doing (using) if they are not treating their disease is helping their disease to progress.
2. You can’t reason with someone in active addiction who is high or in withdrawal. Their brain drives them to use by sending cravings, as they have permanently imbalanced their neurochemistry with their use. Their old survival brain believes they may die if they don’t use, and soon!
3. When they are using or wanting to use, without the support of a solid program of recovery and a period of clean time, you (and everyone) become either a way to help them get drugs or an obstacle to them using. When faced with “possibly dying today” (addict mind thinks it may die without drugs) versus “dealing with everything else”, which do you think they will choose?
4. It’s your job to tell them you are not going to watch them kill themselves and to support them in getting appropriate medical treatment and support as soon as possible after a relapse. When they are still using (less than 30 days ago) they are not necessarily in a space to make the decision to want sobriety, but time (at least 30 days) in a safe, monitored, sober place of recovery with peers can help them want it.
5. The GOLD standard of care for addicts and alcoholics is 90 days of residential treatment with supportive halfway house living for at least 3 to 6 months after that if needed. The next best is 45 days. If a person has dual diagnosis or personality disorder traits, they probably need longer. Unfortunately, not everyone can get that level of care. Ask mental health therapists for recommended treatment centers with good reputations.
6. The younger a person is, the more likely it will be difficult for them to want recovery. It is important that they learn life skills in treatment and become open to finding meaning and spirituality (that which connects us) in their life.
7. This disease and your powerlessness over your loved ones makes you sick and crazy in predictable ways (codependent and neglecting your own health.)
8. YOU DID NOT CAUSE IT. YOU CANNOT CURE IT. YOU CAN NOT CONTROL YOUR ADDICT. YOU CAN MAKE THE PROGRESSION OF THIS DISEASE (theirs and yours) WORSE OR BETTER BY YOUR RESPONSES AND BOUNDARIES.
9. Go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon or CODA and get help, NOW! http://www.alanonatl.com/ Therapy is good for you, also, as dealing with addiction and trying to stay sane is one of the hardest things anyone can do. Check out this webpage on how to intervene. http://lovefirst.net/wpt/ Reach out to a qualified interventionist specialist to get your loved one into treatment, if you need them and can afford them. http://associationofinterventionspecialists.org/ais_members.php
10. Do what you must do today to stay sane and set clear boundaries and tomorrow will take care of itself. Do what you can, let go of the rest. Ask for help.

Be well, be strong, get support, make the next right choice.


Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Psychotherapist
Well Being Psychotherapy
Atlanta, Georgia
404-931-3066

Specializing in treating Addiction, Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety
Copyright August, 2012
Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Psychotherapist
Well Being Psychotherapy
Atlanta, Georgia
404-931-3066
www.wellbeingpsychotherapy.net


Specializing in treating Addiction, Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety
Copyright August, 2012
Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Psychotherapist
Well Being Psychotherapy
Atlanta, Georgia
404-931-3066
www.wellbeingpsychotherapy.net


Specializing in treating Addiction, Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety
Copyright August, 2012

There are a number of things a person can do to become happier. One of these is to know the things that feed your heart and soul and make you happy. You are a unique person with specific loves.  One way to know what those things are is to do this exercise: Read this over, then close your eyes and do this. Imagine a large blank movie screen in front of your eyes. Think of a time you felt happy, content, peaceful, proud or calm. You may have been 4 years old, a youth or if may have been last week or last year. Don't over think it, just let the images or memories arise spontaneously. Then see it, hear it, feel it, smell it and let yourself be there. Were you alone or with someone? What was happening? How were you feeling? What did you like about that moment? 

For one person, it may be being alone in nature, for another person time with family, for one person both family and nature may be in their image. You may remember a milestone like having a child, wedding or graduation. It may be simply sitting in the sun or having time of just being rather than doing. 

Once you identify these things, do these things more often. I know this sounds deceptively simple, but it can really make a difference in your life and wellbeing. We often think it is only the grand vacations that make us happy, or the rare moments of our lives. But what are the feelings we hope to experience and how can we create these feelings and attitudes in ourselves in our weekly life?

For me, I need time with friends, family, nature and pets to be truly happy. I also love to travel, but a new place nearby can be as rejuvenating as an expensive trip. It is important to listen to our specific needs and fill those. 

If you can't come up with memories, you are probably depressed or overly stressed or anxious and would benefit from counseling. Or, if you just want to uncover what makes you happy and what blocks you from self-care, call me. I can help.

Be well.

© Lisa Cottrell, LPC, 2012