I have long been influenced by existential philosophy and by Buddhist thought. As a psychotherapist, I try to help people find meaning and happiness. One of the key tools to effectively help people recover from depression and anxiety is to help them understand and take responsibility for their lives. I have recently been re-reading Irvin Yalom’s classic book, Existential Psychotherapy. Irvin Yalom wrote, “Responsibility means authorship. To be aware of responsibility is to be aware of creating one’s own self, destiny, life predicament, feelings, and, if such be the case, one’s own suffering.” We construct our interpretations and experience of life, consciously or unconsciously. How we interpret what happens to us influences how we feel. As the Buddha said, what we think, we become.
Many of us may feel as if we are helpless victims when we are no longer. We may well have had times we were powerless such as when we were children, especially if we were abused. Though there are many circumstances beyond our control, we still have the freedom to choose our attitude and response. Even in the concentration camps, Victor Frankel observed the ability to choose one’s response to that horrific abuse. Some people chose defiance, some chose kindness toward fellow sufferers, some chose collapse. It’s easy to understand feeling the helplessness of no escape.
Martin Seligman’s research on Learned Helplessness shows how we can become conditioned to believe the efforts that we make will not be effective in relieving our suffering. When animals are shocked and can’t escape, they eventually stop trying. When they are then presented with shocks in conditions where they could escape, they no longer try as they believe it is futile. In fact, their circumstances have changed but they don’t realize it. People with learned helplessness become depressed. People with an excessive sense of over responsibility can also become negative, anxious and depressed, as discussed by Aaron Beck.
So, we need to realize our power to choose, and that includes our ability to change our mental habits and habits of behavior. It is helpful to realize the truths of reality and human existence, so we can become more effective in our lives. Clients report learning to accept more responsibility for their lives is a valuable outcome of therapy. See the list of existential truths below.
We often have resistance to seeing the truth and accepting it because we don’t want to face our freedom and our responsibility. Yesterday, a friend of mine helped me see the ways in which I was not taking responsibility for the way I was viewing and reacting to a specific situation. It is easy to do. We may want to be dependent. We may fall back into feeling and reacting like we are still being traumatized, when the victimization is in fact over. For trauma survivors, it takes a lot of work to help the body and mind catch up with current reality. Being mindful of the truth in the moment is like meditation: we forget, but we need to remember and be willing to return to the present and the truth of our current strength. All we have is this moment and how we respond, how we act, how we create meaning, how we can choose to be good to ourselves in the face of life’s struggles.
Realizing The Facts of Existence
I created this list of existential facts. The list was inspired by Irvin Yalom’s work. It includes my modifications of five existential statements by him and his colleagues. I added five statements of my own in alignment with my experience, mindfulness and existential philosophy.
Be well.
© 2018 Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC
Many of us may feel as if we are helpless victims when we are no longer. We may well have had times we were powerless such as when we were children, especially if we were abused. Though there are many circumstances beyond our control, we still have the freedom to choose our attitude and response. Even in the concentration camps, Victor Frankel observed the ability to choose one’s response to that horrific abuse. Some people chose defiance, some chose kindness toward fellow sufferers, some chose collapse. It’s easy to understand feeling the helplessness of no escape.
Martin Seligman’s research on Learned Helplessness shows how we can become conditioned to believe the efforts that we make will not be effective in relieving our suffering. When animals are shocked and can’t escape, they eventually stop trying. When they are then presented with shocks in conditions where they could escape, they no longer try as they believe it is futile. In fact, their circumstances have changed but they don’t realize it. People with learned helplessness become depressed. People with an excessive sense of over responsibility can also become negative, anxious and depressed, as discussed by Aaron Beck.
So, we need to realize our power to choose, and that includes our ability to change our mental habits and habits of behavior. It is helpful to realize the truths of reality and human existence, so we can become more effective in our lives. Clients report learning to accept more responsibility for their lives is a valuable outcome of therapy. See the list of existential truths below.
We often have resistance to seeing the truth and accepting it because we don’t want to face our freedom and our responsibility. Yesterday, a friend of mine helped me see the ways in which I was not taking responsibility for the way I was viewing and reacting to a specific situation. It is easy to do. We may want to be dependent. We may fall back into feeling and reacting like we are still being traumatized, when the victimization is in fact over. For trauma survivors, it takes a lot of work to help the body and mind catch up with current reality. Being mindful of the truth in the moment is like meditation: we forget, but we need to remember and be willing to return to the present and the truth of our current strength. All we have is this moment and how we respond, how we act, how we create meaning, how we can choose to be good to ourselves in the face of life’s struggles.
Realizing The Facts of Existence
- I recognize that life is at times unfair and unjust.
- I recognize that ultimately there is no escape from some of life’s pain and death. This is common to all of humanity.
- I recognize that no matter how close I get to other people or how much support I get, I alone must face my life and choose how to respond.
- I realize that no one else can live my life for me.
- I realize I must make my own choices and live with the consequences of my decisions.
- As I face the basic issues of my life and death, I can live my life more honestly and get less caught up in trivialities.
- I must take ultimate responsibility for the way I live my life no matter how much guidance and support I get from others.
- While I can not control everything that happens in my life, my choices create my life.
- I can choose my attitude, my responses, and my moment to moment choices.
- With awareness and willingness, I can change my habits, one choice, one moment at a time.
I created this list of existential facts. The list was inspired by Irvin Yalom’s work. It includes my modifications of five existential statements by him and his colleagues. I added five statements of my own in alignment with my experience, mindfulness and existential philosophy.
Be well.
© 2018 Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC
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