Most people struggle with judgments of ourselves and self-criticism. Our inner critic is usually trying to motivate us, help us learn, or change our behavior, but when is it too much and really not helpful?
Self-examination: Ask yourself these questions
1. Remember, you are a precious, unique gift to the world. You have all of the potential of any human being. You have innate goodness and worth.
2. You are imperfect like everyone else. That is OK.
3. You cannot afford to drink the poison of self-hatred! It leads to insecurity, anxiety, ill health and depression.
4. If the voice in your head is mean, tell your self-critic, “That hateful, shaming tone is not helpful.” If the information is needed, it can learn to come back nicely. Ask it if it would like to learn to be a coach and ally, not a bully.
5. If it is a message from someone in your past, you may need to tell it to “Shut up!” and stop listening. It’s OK to set limits with mean people.
6. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
7. Positive reinforcement works better than judgment, anger, and hatred.
8. Grieve the past and your regrets then move into today. Make changes to your life to work toward what is fulfilling to you. Listen to your longings.
9. Feel the feeling and let it pass, but don’t make it worse.
10. See a therapist who can help you deal more effectively with your inner conflicts.
© 2018 Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC
Self-examination: Ask yourself these questions
- Why are you angry or upset with yourself?
- What is your inner critic afraid will happen if you don’t listen to it?
- Is the criticism even true or is it an overgeneralization?
- What do you regret? What do you wish you could have done differently?
- Are you struggling with accepting that the past is over? What can you learn from your mistakes? How do your regrets and mistakes help you clarify your values?
- Do you believe the myth that by hating and criticizing yourself that you will improve yourself and your behavior? Has that worked for you so far? Hateful self-criticism makes most people irritable, depressed, ashamed and then feel they want to act out or use substances to numb.
- Are you only focusing on your perceived mistakes and not on the things you have done right and are doing well today?
- Just because the voice is in your head, doesn’t mean it is you. Who does your inner critic sound like? It may be the voice of people in your life who criticized you or abused you. You may have internalized the messages from your family or society that may or may not be true.
- What good does your inner critic want for you? Ask it. It may have good intentions, but ineffective or mean techniques for communicating its concerns. The self-critic usually wants to make you socially acceptable, but has a limited and fearful view of life based on your past or on cognitive distortions.
1. Remember, you are a precious, unique gift to the world. You have all of the potential of any human being. You have innate goodness and worth.
2. You are imperfect like everyone else. That is OK.
3. You cannot afford to drink the poison of self-hatred! It leads to insecurity, anxiety, ill health and depression.
4. If the voice in your head is mean, tell your self-critic, “That hateful, shaming tone is not helpful.” If the information is needed, it can learn to come back nicely. Ask it if it would like to learn to be a coach and ally, not a bully.
5. If it is a message from someone in your past, you may need to tell it to “Shut up!” and stop listening. It’s OK to set limits with mean people.
6. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
7. Positive reinforcement works better than judgment, anger, and hatred.
8. Grieve the past and your regrets then move into today. Make changes to your life to work toward what is fulfilling to you. Listen to your longings.
9. Feel the feeling and let it pass, but don’t make it worse.
10. See a therapist who can help you deal more effectively with your inner conflicts.
© 2018 Lisa Cottrell, LPC
Well Being Psychotherapy, LLC
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